Where do I go from here?

It is so hard to stay strong while all of this is happening to me. Some people make me feel as if this isn't that big of a deal, and I just don't understand this at all. Maybe it is because they haven't had a child, or that they haven't actually seen the baby that is growing inside me. Either way, everything will be much more realistic when he is born, and I have no idea how I'm going to handle it.  My whole life I've always pictured myself having a son, even though I am thrilled to have been blessed with a girl, I always imagined myself having a little boy. When I heard the news that I was having a boy and that he is not healthy, it broke my heart. What was even worse was when I had to share the news with my husband, which was the hardest moment of all of this. I wish that I didn't have to share the pain with him or anyone else, I wish I could take it all away. I can't even leave home because I'm so scared of seeing a happy pregnant woman or a small baby, or having someone ask me when I'm due. It is all just too hard for me. I'm good at putting on a happy face when people ask me "how are you?" and I always respond "I'm good," but in all honesty that question breaks my heart, I have no idea what I am supposed to say. Some days I just wish this could all be over with, but then I have to think about how I am Eli's mother and I need to do as much as can to be there for him and in the end hope that I do get to spend some time with him as his mother. I still can’t talk to anyone about this, I just can’t seem to say the words out loud, so often times I feel alone.  Every day I find the strength to move forward, and I know that strength is my husband and daughter, I know I could not do this without them. But the image of having Eli look into my eyes while I hold him one day is the main reason why I choose to move forward with this pregnancy, I need to meet my son, I need to be his mother.