Thursday, November 19, 2009
It is so hard to stay strong while all of this is happening to me. Some people make me feel as if this isn't that big of a deal, and I just don't understand this at all. Maybe it is because they haven't had a child, or that they haven't actually seen the baby that is growing inside me. Either way, everything will be much more realistic when he is born, and I have no idea how I'm going to handle it. My whole life I've always pictured myself having a son, even though I am thrilled to have been blessed with a girl, I always imagined myself having a little boy. When I heard the news that I was having a boy and that he is not healthy, it broke my heart. What was even worse was when I had to share the news with my husband, which was the hardest moment of all of this. I wish that I didn't have to share the pain with him or anyone else, I wish I could take it all away. I can't even leave home because I'm so scared of seeing a happy pregnant woman or a small baby, or having someone ask me when I'm due. It is all just too hard for me. I'm good at putting on a happy face when people ask me "how are you?" and I always respond "I'm good," but in all honesty that question breaks my heart, I have no idea what I am supposed to say. Some days I just wish this could all be over with, but then I have to think about how I am Eli's mother and I need to do as much as can to be there for him and in the end hope that I do get to spend some time with him as his mother. I still can’t talk to anyone about this, I just can’t seem to say the words out loud, so often times I feel alone. Every day I find the strength to move forward, and I know that strength is my husband and daughter, I know I could not do this without them. But the image of having Eli look into my eyes while I hold him one day is the main reason why I choose to move forward with this pregnancy, I need to meet my son, I need to be his mother.
Posted by LC at 9:17 AM
- October (5)
- November (10)
- December (6)
After several ultrasounds and two CVS tests, it was confirmed that our son, Elijah, had Trisomy 13. He had several defects such as extra fingers, cleft palate, no lenses (eyes), enlarged kidneys, two vessel cord, the right side of the heart appeared to be larger than the left, and a few more things. Although Eli had many complications, he was both perfect and beautiful to us. He has opened up our hearts to what love truly means. We were not sure if he would make it to term or through labor. Around 35 weeks it became obvious that Elijah's growth was slowing down. I was induced at 37 weeks, and Elijah Alexander was born at 2:30 am, April 25, 2010, weighing 4 lbs. 15 oz. He was absolutely beautiful. He lived for 12 beautiful hours, and at passed away peacefully at 2:30 pm, April 25, 210.
- I have such an amazing family, I am so blessed. My husband Jon and I have a beautiful daughter named Dylan who is constantly making us smile. We also have a son, Elijah, who has changed our world and touched our hearts. Even though he is an angel now, we will always embrace and celebrate his life.