22 week appointment

My appointment today was bittersweet. Eli's heart rate is doing well and has gradually lowered to 150. I am measuring on the small side, I should be measuring around 22 weeks and am currently measuring around 17 weeks. This could mean that his growth has slowed down or even stopped since my last appointment. I will be having an ultrasound in 2 weeks when I will be 24 weeks along, which is the viability date. If the peri finds a medical reason to induce me, which is likely, we will go ahead with the birth. They are hesitant to say whether or not he will make it through the labor, which is probably going to be very long and strenuous, but we are praying that he will survive and we will be able to spend some time with him while he is still living. If there is no reason to induce we will wait a couple weeks and go back in for another ultrasound, repeating the process until they find a reason. I am feeling a little relived that we have somewhat of a plan, but I am also sad and anxious. Knowing that I may only have a few weeks left with my little boy is such a strange feeling, but I want to cherish every last minute I have with him. I pray that he stays strong. I hope that I will be able hold him while he is still living, I want to hear him cry, I want to feel his warmth. No matter what happens in the next couple weeks, I will embrace him and love him. This little boy has changed my life and I am so blessed to have him, even if it is for a short amount of time.