24 Hours

In 24 hours I find out if I will be meeting Eli. I have a million things that I could be doing today, but instead I am just sitting around thinking and waiting. We want to have some type of funeral or service once he is gone, I should probably start planning that so I don't have to worry about it once he arrives. A local funeral home will be paying for everything, including a plot in the cemetery that is for children and babies who have passed. I think I will want this closure, but I am 20 years old, I shouldn't have to be planning a funeral for my own child. I wish I knew what was going to happen tomorrow, the anticipation is starting to make my body physically and mentally weak. I have no idea what I'm going to do if I have to wait another month to find out how this will end, I'm afraid it will put me over the edge. For right now I am going to try and stay busy. Through all of this I have picked up the hobby of photography, and I honestly think that it has helped me. Something about the art of capturing a moment and being able to keep it visually alive has given me a way to express my emotions when I don't know how to otherwise. I still am unsure of whether or not I will want to see photographs of Eli and his birth experience, but I will have them taken so that the memories are there if I ever want see them. Thank you for all of your support, it is truly heartwarming to have so many people surrounding me at this time in my life.