33 Weeks

Sorry I haven't updated for a while. It is getting harder for me to deal with everything that is going on. I had an ultrasound a week ago, Jon was able to come with me which was good since I will likely only have one or two more before it's time to welcome Eli. I will know a little more tomorrow about the details of the ultrasound but we did find out a few things. At the beginning of the month the amniotic fluid levels were on the high end, around 24, at the last appointment they had dropped down to 9. I have a feeling if I were to be induced or go into labor it would be due to this. Elijah's growth rate is dropping, but he still remains in the low teens for percentile and now weighs 3lbs 4oz. I did have a happy moment at the ultrasound though, he was laying in a good position to see his face so the tech was able to record him sucking his thumb in 3-D for me. I cry every time I watch this video, I can't believe how beautiful he his.

It's so hard for me to believe that in the next three or four weeks I will be holding my son in my arms. We have no idea what is going to happen following his birth. He may only live for a few minutes or hours, or he could possibly live for days. As of right now, if Elijah stays strong for a few days, we will take him home with us and have hospice care come to our home until he passes away. Jon and I have avoided planning a funeral or burial, it is just too hard for us. I really just want to focus on him being alive and how we will cherish every second that we have with him. Someone mentioned to me how they could never carry a child to term knowing that they wouldn't see it grow up. This is when I realized that the eight months that I've carried Elijah has been me watching him grow up. It's not the normal life a parent has with their child, but it is ours and it is special. Every little kick is a happy moment with him and every ounce he gains and week he stays alive is a milestone. I honestly can't imagine not going through this, he has changed my life forever and I am more blessed and stronger than I was before having Elijah in my life.

This past weekend my Mother-In-Law threw a small shower/blessing for me. It was really nice to have my closest family and friends around me to offer their support, but it was difficult not to cry the whole time too. The photo below shows some candles, while I am in labor with Elijah each person will be lighting one of these candles for me. Again, I can't thank everyone enough for the love and support you've shown me throughout this entire journey, it means the world to me.