29 Weeks

 

Friday's Ultrasound

On Friday we had another ultrasound, this one was a little emotional for me. So far everything has gone pretty smoothly since 24 weeks, and I wasn't expecting anything out of the ordinary to happen. Eli is growing well, he is now just over 2lbs! His kidneys are still enlarged, they were still unable to locate any lenses (eyes), and the amniotic fluid levels were still a little generous. When the tech. played his heartbeat I felt sick to my stomach because I knew it sounded slower. It was down to about 115bpm, which is the slowest it has ever been. Thankfully it went back up throughout the ultrasound, but that was a big dip for him since it is usually in the high range. They did notice that the right side of his heart appears to be larger than the left. His heart has been about the only normal thing Eli's got going for him, so this really made me sad. We're not sure what all of this means for him, but for now we will go on as planned. I will now be going in twice a week though, once to have an ultrasound or OB check and a second time to do an NST (non-stress test) which will monitor his movement and heart rate. I'm so glad that Eli is hanging in there, but the reality of everything really hit me on Friday. I don't think I will ever be ready for the day to come when we will meet Eli, but I know it is going to be both a heartbreaking and beautiful day. 

If You Ain't Got Love

Mason Jennings is one of my favorite musicians, and whenever I hear this song by him I can't help but to think of Eli. I know our love for him will always live on. 

If You Ain't Got Love

On the train ride to Paris
Or from sunny Barcelona
We rose up through the mountains
As the sun started setting

And the sea came out below us
As we rode through a village
We passed ten feet from a little porch
Where a man was serving dinner

And our window was open
And we could hear them laughing

I'm never gonna give you up
What do you got if you ain't got love?
If you ain't got love
What do you got if you ain't got love?

At nine in the morning
After nine months of waiting
You were born and I saw your face
And you looked up at me

But before I could hold you
The doctors raced you from me
They told me that you might not live
Your heart was not healthy

And with wires coming from you
I sat beside you

I'm never gonna give you up
What do you got if you ain't got love?
If you ain't got love
What do you got if you ain't got love?

Someday, someday soon
You and I will both be gone
And lately, I can't help but think
That the love we feel will live on

At a little wooden cabin
Up in northern Minnesota
We ran together down to the dock
And you jumped right off it

And from out in the water
You called me to join you
And I said, "Baby, I cannot swim
If I jump, I'll surely drown you"

You said, "Life has no limit
If you're not afraid to get in it"
And oh, baby, I jumped to you
Since then there's nothing I can't do

I'm never gonna give you up
What do you got if you ain't got love?
If you ain't got love
What do you got if you ain't got love?

Someday, someday soon
You and I will both be gone
But lately, I can't help but think
That the love we feel will live on

Thumbs Up!

I had an ultrasound last Friday, and immediately after it started we saw Eli give a big thumbs up. I think this was his way of saying he is doing just fine, and in fact he is. I can't believe the strength of my little boy. He now weighs 1lb 10 oz, head down, and some of his measurements have even improved. His stomach is still measuring a little small and his kidneys are also enlarged, but nothing too serious. I told Jon the other day that I am glad we are continuing on with this pregnancy, although it has been difficult, it has also been such a blessing. He is starting to kick and roll more, and this is my time to connect and interact with him. I know that he may not make it through labor, he may pass away soon after, or he may live for a few months. Not knowing what to expect is the hardest part for me, but for now I am enjoying my time with him. I love Elijah, he is the son I have always wanted and no matter how much time he is here for, he will always be with us and a part of us.