33 Weeks

Sorry I haven't updated for a while. It is getting harder for me to deal with everything that is going on. I had an ultrasound a week ago, Jon was able to come with me which was good since I will likely only have one or two more before it's time to welcome Eli. I will know a little more tomorrow about the details of the ultrasound but we did find out a few things. At the beginning of the month the amniotic fluid levels were on the high end, around 24, at the last appointment they had dropped down to 9. I have a feeling if I were to be induced or go into labor it would be due to this. Elijah's growth rate is dropping, but he still remains in the low teens for percentile and now weighs 3lbs 4oz. I did have a happy moment at the ultrasound though, he was laying in a good position to see his face so the tech was able to record him sucking his thumb in 3-D for me. I cry every time I watch this video, I can't believe how beautiful he his.

It's so hard for me to believe that in the next three or four weeks I will be holding my son in my arms. We have no idea what is going to happen following his birth. He may only live for a few minutes or hours, or he could possibly live for days. As of right now, if Elijah stays strong for a few days, we will take him home with us and have hospice care come to our home until he passes away. Jon and I have avoided planning a funeral or burial, it is just too hard for us. I really just want to focus on him being alive and how we will cherish every second that we have with him. Someone mentioned to me how they could never carry a child to term knowing that they wouldn't see it grow up. This is when I realized that the eight months that I've carried Elijah has been me watching him grow up. It's not the normal life a parent has with their child, but it is ours and it is special. Every little kick is a happy moment with him and every ounce he gains and week he stays alive is a milestone. I honestly can't imagine not going through this, he has changed my life forever and I am more blessed and stronger than I was before having Elijah in my life.

This past weekend my Mother-In-Law threw a small shower/blessing for me. It was really nice to have my closest family and friends around me to offer their support, but it was difficult not to cry the whole time too. The photo below shows some candles, while I am in labor with Elijah each person will be lighting one of these candles for me. Again, I can't thank everyone enough for the love and support you've shown me throughout this entire journey, it means the world to me.

Waiting On An Angel

30 Week OB Check

I had an NST on Tuesday, that went well, his heart rate is all over the place ranging from 110-170 but they said that is a little more typical for a baby like Eli. Wednesday I met with my OB to do a tummy check and discuss the results from Friday's ultrasound in more detail. My uterus is measuring right at 30 weeks, which is surprising since Eli is a little on the small side. She actually told me that I could gain a little more weight because I have been losing weight throughout the last few appointments and have hardly gained any throughout the pregnancy. Something tells me that carrying Dylan up and down stairs all day has to do with that, but I definitely don't mind indulging in my food cravings a little bit more. When we discussed the ultrasound I was a little disappointed. While Eli is gaining some weight, his growth rate has started to slow down going from the 28th percentile to the 17th. Hopefully he will make up for the decrease in the next couple weeks, but this also could be the start of a continuing trend. We moved around my appointments so that Jon could start coming to the ultrasounds, I think it will be good for him to see Eli again.

We have a shelf dedicated to Eli, I thought I would share it with you. We have so many ultrasound photos, I will have to come up with a creative way to keep them all together.

Still Hanging In There!

I had an NST last Tuesday and an Ultrasound on Friday. No big changes with Eli, but he sure is active! Whenever he moves you can see his hand or his foot from the outside, sometimes my belly looks lopsided when he's all curled up on one side, it's kind of funny watching my bump move around like that. He now weighs about 2lbs 8oz and is in the 17th percentile, which is great! I will continue to go the hospital twice a week, once to have an NST and another time to have an ultrasound or meet with my OB.

I can't believe I will be full-term in seven weeks. I've had Eli on my mind constantly, and it has become harder for me to think about what is ahead of me. I've been working on his playlist, and put a few of the songs on here for you to listen to. I know I need to start preparing for his arrival, but I have no idea where to begin. Not only do I have to prepare for his arrival, but I also have to start planning for when he leaves us. I never thought I'd have to plan my own child's funeral, it makes me sick to my stomach. For the next couple weeks I'm going to try focusing on planning for the hospital, packing a bag for myself and some clothing and keepsakes for Eli.

I'm not sure if Blogger redirects all of you automatically, but I wanted to let you know that I now own the domain name for www.EmbracingElijah.com and you can read this blog from that web address.